This past weekend was spent in Richmond with my sister. She had the boys while I worked; I had to get creative with my parents heading out of town this weekend for my dad’s 35th high school reunion. So my parents dropped off the boys at my sister’s work (so she could attempt to finish her day) and then after work, I drove up there to spend the rest of the weekend with her and the boys at her house.
I am not sure how much work she accomplished with a refusing – to – nap – two – year – old and a five – month old, but she states they had a great day. I wish I had the pictures from her iPhone, as she got Goober “driving” a forklift, a truck, and an Army helicopter (which she said he managed to figure out how to turn on!). FYI – she’s in the Army National Guard working with a helicopter group, and she’s the one responsible for all the weapons and supplies. I worried *just* a little about my young Goober loose there, but he was in good hands!
Saturday we took them to the Children’s Museum in Richmond (Short Pump), and Goober had a blast! He really enjoyed the “sandbox” that was made from rubber chips and the train. They also had a small castle, a playground, a toddler area (which Peanut enjoyed), a reading nook, puppet stage, arts and crafts, and reading time. Definitely will have to check them out again when in town visiting.
Did some shopping, but forgot the stroller, and Goober was melting down. He had a rough night the night before, didn’t take a good nap, so it was bearing well for an extensive shopping (which is probably good on my pocketbook!).
So, we had dinner at home. Played in the water. Nicole did an amazing job taking some great photographs of Peanut for his five month shots. Even some of Goober. Fantastic. Peanut went did well for the night. Not Goober… and that started a major fight between my sister and I. I will admit, I was exhausted, at the end of my rope with Goober and his troubles going down for nighttime. I said some things I regret to him, but most especially, I spanked him, which I HATE. This happens when I am at my wit’s end, and I need to step away. I didn’t, and he got the spanking (which is on his diaper butt, but that is neither here nor there). I came downstairs to take a breather, and my sister offered to help. You would think this is what I wanted and needed. In my current state of mind, I should have allowed her that chance. But I didn’t. Instead, I told her to leave him alone. That set her off, and she ended up storming out of her house for an hour or two. During that time, I calmed down, put Goober to bed successfully, and started to clean up. When my sister came home, we tabled a discussion to the next morning.
The next morning was tense between us. I hated every moment of it. I love my sister. Of the two I have, she is the one I am the closest to. So for us to be on a tentative truce or time out was difficult. We eventually did talk, and she said some things I am still digesting. I don’t think she quite understood where I am coming from (other than she did say I was most of the time a single parent, which with the military, I mostly am, even though my husband is thankfully not at sea), but like she said, she won’t understand until she had her own children. It was her one comment towards the end of the talk that caught my attention the most – “you want to be the mother our mom wasn’t to you (or us – I can’t remember her choice of words there at the end).”
Is that really a bad thing? I don’t believe in spanking; 99% of the time we don’t, it is only at times when we have no one course that we can see or at the end of our ropes that we strike, and then we realize that it isn’t fair to him – or us – and we need to take a step back. (We are learning and trying to step back before we resort to spanking.) On the other hand, my parents did spank my three siblings and me. I never thought it fair. “Don’t hit or I will hit you!” Where is the sense in that? I realize this is trying to reason with a two year old, but don’t we need to show him there are other ways to release anger? He needs the help, and I just can’t find the way to show him right now, but I am trying. He needs that more then he needs a spanking.
Please don’t think my mother was a bad parent. She wasn’t. She will admit that she was young, and had four young children to raise pretty much on her own (my dad was a military man, so most of the time she was a single parent too). Shouldn’t I learn from her mistakes? Shouldn’t I make different choices to avoid the same traps and problems?
Parenting is the hardest job EVER. Every parent will admit to that I believe. Yes, it is a choice to be parent, and I will never, ever regret becoming a mother to my sweet boys. It is also a choice in how I – and my husband – decide to parent these boys. I want to arm them with the proper tools to be successful men, patient and kind, and loving. No one will remember me as a great pharmacist, but they will remember – and see – the men I raised and how they are with the people in their lives.
Please God, teach me the patience as we raise our sons. Please give me the understanding and the ability to transmit to my family the great appreciation I have for them and what they do for my boys and me. I love them, and I am lucky to have them…
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