Sandy Hook Elementary

As everyone is aware, a senseless tragedy happened at what should be one of the safest places for children: their elementary school.  Twenty first graders and six women educators lost their lives in a horrendous act carried out by a mentally unstable young man who not only took his own life but that of the woman who gave him life.  While so many questions remained unanswered at this time, the only one that matters to me is why the children?  At six and seven years of age, what did they do to deserve to have their lives cut short and in such a manner?

Nothing I write will allow them to come back.  Nothing anyone says will give those parents their babies for Christmas.  Whatever changes are enacted because of this massacre will not give those children a chance to live lives full of promise and hope that comes from being so young.

I hug my two boys tighter.  I give them more kisses.  With time, I will not shudder to think of sending Goober to preschool in a month for the first time, not knowing if this will happen at our church's small preschool.  To think of those parents who thought they would pick their little ones up at school but instead had to pick them up at the morgue... I cry every time.  No one - repeat, no one - should have to.

A first grader should not be gunned down in his or her school.  EVER.  A child should not be afraid of going to school, worried about not going home at the end of the day.  School should be a safe haven, not a killing ground.  A teacher should not have to use her body as a shield in an effort to protect those she was entrusted to teach.  Students should not be practicing lock down drills; they should be practicing their subtraction and playing at recess.

How did we get here, America?  How did we lose sight of what is important?

Religion?  Gun laws?  Blame them if you must, but they are not the answer either.  We, as adults and parents, must take responsibility not only for our children (!) but for their lives and reclaiming their childhoods.  I believe in protecting their innocence for as long as possible; our children are growing up way to fast these days, and here is another example.  Why should we be explaining to our first graders why most of their friends died today?  We shouldn't.  We should be kissing their wounds, talking of Christmas and gingerbread houses, and telling them we love them and the monsters aren't under their beds.  Not kissing away nightmares of gunmen killing their friends in the hallways and classrooms of their school.

I told my husband the other day we are homeschooling our boys.  While this might change, the idea is looking better and more enticing each day.  At least I can limit the harsh reality of the modern world for a little bit longer.  Keep them children for another year.  I shouldn't have to, but the world seems intent on rushing my children from their sweet childhood into an unknown, uncaring, and dim world.  What life is that?

One of my favorite quotes I have seen floating around social media I will close with (paraphrasing):

Dear God,
How do you let these things happen in school?
A student

Dear Student,
I am not allowed in your school anymore.
Love,
God



Dear Lord, please, always, stay guarding over my children, regardless of where they are.  Hold the lost little ones in your loving arms and provide some peace to their grieving families.  Amen.

The scent of autumn is in the air...

It's already the end of September!  The boys and I are back in Virginia Beach for another long stay (about three weeks) while I work, attend a concert, and possibly a wedding.  Elijah went home Monday after being with us in Savannah, Georgia, and then a few days here in Virginia Beach.

We went on VACATION!  We spent a few days in Savannah, Georgia.  We visited Forsyth Park, The Roundhouse Railroad Museum, walked Riverwalk, ate at Moon River Brewing, swam in the hotel's pool, and just enjoyed some family time.  It was amazing, to have no worries but just the four of us.  Both the boys came down with colds the last day/night we were there, but it didn't really put a damper on things.  Goober enjoyed watching a movie in bed with us the last night we were there (Lion King per his request), and it is these little things I can't wait to enjoy more with him and his brother as they get get older.

The boys - and their daddy - enjoyed some quality time with my brother Keith.  We drove up a day early to surprise my brother when he arrived in from San Diego.  Goober got him good, too!  Well worth it to see the smile on my brother's face when he saw his nephews!

James, our wedding photographer, took some family shots on Sunday.  Should see them next Monday -- very excited!!  Check him out at Eclipse Photography.  He did an amazing shoot wi th Goober when he was 7 months old, and I am hoping he will do Peanut's soon (just have to save up some money!).

Speaking of Peanut ... he's 7 months old, crawling, and pulling himself up!  We are going to have to lower the crib today because yesterday, when my mom went in to get him after a nap, he was standing up waiting for her.  Oh!!!  Where has the time gone with my baby?!

*Working, will return later*

We're going to...

... Savannah!  I am so excited!  This has been on my "to-do" list before we leave South Carolina.  Not knowing if we are going to get picked up in October, I want to make sure to check this off my list.  Since Elijah has to take leave or lose it, we're going in September before I head north to Virginia for three weeks.  Super stoked!

Now that I know we are going, I am getting a list together of things to see/do/eat before we head down there to have a loose plan.  Know anything to check out?  Please send me a message!  I am open to ideas.

Right now on our list:

Places to eat:
The Pirate House
Lady and Sons (Paula Deen's place)

Places to go:
Children's Museum
Forsyth Park
Railroad Museum
Tybee Island

Still researching other places.

So excited :)

It's going to be our first family vacation -- just the four of us -- ever.

Our current dilemma

In a nutshell, South Carolina vs. Virginia...

See, Elijah is up for new orders, and he has already received them... the Ford, which is currently in the shipyard in Virginia... back home!  My parents... my sisters... our family... our friends... my career.  HOWEVER, he is currently awaiting to see if he is selected for the officer program.  If he is selected, then we will be staying here in South Carolina... in our house... with our friends. He will attend the Citadel, and he will go to school for three years.  Afterwards, he would be commissioned as an officer in the US Navy.

So... we are waiting for October.  If he doesn't get it, then we are in Virginia by January.  Three short months to get the house ready to either rent or sell (yet ANOTHER decision we have to make) and move.  Thankfully, we know people in Virginia ;)

So there are so many pros and cons to either, and I am so torn.  For my husband's career, staying here is the best.  We don't have to move.  The boys know this house.  We have friends, they have friends.  Elijah has friends already in the program.  Hopefully the house market turns around when we do need to move... and by his officer status, we can go more places... including those over seas.

Moving to Virginia... my family is there.  The boys will have their grandparents and aunts and cousins and extended family that loves them.  I can work part time on a more regular basis.  We already know what preschool Goober would go to (my church's).  My job would help pay off some of our debt quicker and my working wouldn't take the boys away from their daddy.

UGH.  I hate this.  There is absolutely nothing we can do but WAIT.

I hate this!!!

August Update

So August is in full swing.  Crazy that we are rapidly approaching mid - month!  So much has been going on here...

We have again "sleep trained" Goober.  That took a couple of days, but thankfully, so far, he is back on schedule.  He slept regressed in June/July, and it was not getting better.  He would have to be coaxed to sleep, would through a fit, and it wasn't fun when it was just me to do bedtime duty with him and his brother.  So what did we do?  Nothing fancy... one of us read his books in bed with him, then said prayers, and then did nighttime kisses.  Walked out of the room.  He threw a fit; at five minutes, the person who did the reading would go back in, put him back to bed, and then walk out again.  At ten minutes, at fifteen minutes... we never made it to twenty.  He finally went back to his bed, covered up, and went to sleep.  The next day, didn't make it to the ten minute mark.  Next day, didn't make it to the five minute mark.  Then... he didn't get out of bed!  My husband did the first couple of days; I did it and he regressed, but then, the second night, he got up, checked the door (we lock it at first, and then when we go to bed, we unlock it), went back to bed. :) It has been good going so... let's hope it continues.

We have been working on projects from Pinterest.  Do you know Pinterest?  If you don't, check it out!  It is an online bulletin board.  My husband and I have been posting all sorts of things - recipes, home projects, crafts - and we finally have been working on some them.  Trying new recipes are great, and we haven't found a dud yet.  Check out Pinterest!

Peanut has been on the MOVE.  Rolling over and over, moving forward/backward, and he is getting up on ALL FOURS!  I can't believe he is trying to already crawl!  Teething is in full force, but still no teeth.  He loves his jumping bouncy play gym thing (I have no idea what they are called), his daddy, his BROTHER, and of course, his mommy (just because I got the milk!).

(I'm watching "Coming Home" on Lifetime, and I am bawling when the kids see their daddy/mommy after a deployment... reminds me of my homecomings with my dad and just makes me wonder about the future homecomings of my husband and boys.)

All right... I'm going to sign off.  Tomorrow I will write about the current dilemma the husband and I are in...

Why didn’t you just go to medical school, at least you would have been a doctor.

UGH. If I ever hear that statement, or something similar, again, I just may scream. Why do I have to constantly defend my choice of a career path? Why isn’t being a pharmacist just as good as being a doctor? Let me tell you, I know more about your medications – and how they work – than your doctor (henceforth, a physician, because contrary to popular belief, I am a doctor, I have the degree to prove it!). I can’t tell you how many times I have prevented harm to patient because of that. I tell people, let your doctor diagnose you, but trust your pharmacist when it comes to medications (and always go to the SAME pharmacist you trust – it just may save your life!).


Let’s start at the beginning.

At work today, I worked the OR pharmacy. This means my daily interactions are with the anesthesiologists of the hospital, the PACU/Day Surgery nurses, the OR techs, physicians, and on occasion, even a surgeon (they are not magical beings people, just wanted to state that). I also see the patients on their way to surgery and after, entering their orders, checking for drug/drug and drug/allergy interactions, and providing the narcotics for each individual OR case. I work in a fishbowl, and I’m trapped in the small area which contains the OR pharmacy satellite. However, I like working here; I interact with more people than I answer phone calls (I will post about the day to day activities of an inpatient pharmacist in another post).

So, handing the narcotics over to the nurse anesthesiologist, she made a comment about the “new girl” that worked the day before. I informed her that was our most recent former resident, LP. “A resident? What does that mean in pharmacy?”

Um, the same as a medical resident, duh. Not – actually, a great deal – of graduating pharmacists do not undergo residency. It is a recent evolution in pharmacy for some pharmacists to undergo specialized training to become clinical staff, and one route is pediatric pharmacy (which I did, at the same hospital that I am gainfully employed with). After the first year, a small percentage of residents continue on to a second year (which was my original life plan, to go into pediatric critical care, but marriage and a pregnancy and the Navy derailed that plan at the moment). Either way, it is much like the medical resident. The pay is small but the rewards amazing.

So after I told her that I finished undergraduate school, then four years of pharmacy school, and a residency, she goes … “you might as well have gone to medical school after all that.”

Excuse me?! My choice isn’t as good as medical school? I don’t think so. It was almost a slap in the face. Yes, at one point, I wanted to go to medical school, but I LOVE pharmacy more. I like what I do on most days. I love the interactions (most of the time, there are some physicians who believe they know more than I do when it comes to medications and how they work and their place in therapy and…).

I really believe pharmacists need to speak up more. And not to be like physicians, but acknowledge our doctorate degrees (side note: not all pharmacists are doctors – but all the recent graduates are).

Yes, I am a doctor. Just not a physician… thank God!

A Vent of Sorts

This past weekend was spent in Richmond with my sister. She had the boys while I worked; I had to get creative with my parents heading out of town this weekend for my dad’s 35th high school reunion. So my parents dropped off the boys at my sister’s work (so she could attempt to finish her day) and then after work, I drove up there to spend the rest of the weekend with her and the boys at her house.


I am not sure how much work she accomplished with a refusing – to – nap – two – year – old and a five – month old, but she states they had a great day. I wish I had the pictures from her iPhone, as she got Goober “driving” a forklift, a truck, and an Army helicopter (which she said he managed to figure out how to turn on!). FYI – she’s in the Army National Guard working with a helicopter group, and she’s the one responsible for all the weapons and supplies. I worried *just* a little about my young Goober loose there, but he was in good hands!

Saturday we took them to the Children’s Museum in Richmond (Short Pump), and Goober had a blast! He really enjoyed the “sandbox” that was made from rubber chips and the train. They also had a small castle, a playground, a toddler area (which Peanut enjoyed), a reading nook, puppet stage, arts and crafts, and reading time. Definitely will have to check them out again when in town visiting.

Did some shopping, but forgot the stroller, and Goober was melting down. He had a rough night the night before, didn’t take a good nap, so it was bearing well for an extensive shopping (which is probably good on my pocketbook!).

So, we had dinner at home. Played in the water. Nicole did an amazing job taking some great photographs of Peanut for his five month shots. Even some of Goober. Fantastic. Peanut went did well for the night. Not Goober… and that started a major fight between my sister and I. I will admit, I was exhausted, at the end of my rope with Goober and his troubles going down for nighttime. I said some things I regret to him, but most especially, I spanked him, which I HATE. This happens when I am at my wit’s end, and I need to step away. I didn’t, and he got the spanking (which is on his diaper butt, but that is neither here nor there). I came downstairs to take a breather, and my sister offered to help. You would think this is what I wanted and needed. In my current state of mind, I should have allowed her that chance. But I didn’t. Instead, I told her to leave him alone. That set her off, and she ended up storming out of her house for an hour or two. During that time, I calmed down, put Goober to bed successfully, and started to clean up. When my sister came home, we tabled a discussion to the next morning.

The next morning was tense between us. I hated every moment of it. I love my sister. Of the two I have, she is the one I am the closest to. So for us to be on a tentative truce or time out was difficult. We eventually did talk, and she said some things I am still digesting. I don’t think she quite understood where I am coming from (other than she did say I was most of the time a single parent, which with the military, I mostly am, even though my husband is thankfully not at sea), but like she said, she won’t understand until she had her own children. It was her one comment towards the end of the talk that caught my attention the most – “you want to be the mother our mom wasn’t to you (or us – I can’t remember her choice of words there at the end).”

Is that really a bad thing? I don’t believe in spanking; 99% of the time we don’t, it is only at times when we have no one course that we can see or at the end of our ropes that we strike, and then we realize that it isn’t fair to him – or us – and we need to take a step back. (We are learning and trying to step back before we resort to spanking.) On the other hand, my parents did spank my three siblings and me. I never thought it fair. “Don’t hit or I will hit you!” Where is the sense in that? I realize this is trying to reason with a two year old, but don’t we need to show him there are other ways to release anger? He needs the help, and I just can’t find the way to show him right now, but I am trying. He needs that more then he needs a spanking.

Please don’t think my mother was a bad parent. She wasn’t. She will admit that she was young, and had four young children to raise pretty much on her own (my dad was a military man, so most of the time she was a single parent too). Shouldn’t I learn from her mistakes? Shouldn’t I make different choices to avoid the same traps and problems?

Parenting is the hardest job EVER. Every parent will admit to that I believe. Yes, it is a choice to be parent, and I will never, ever regret becoming a mother to my sweet boys. It is also a choice in how I – and my husband – decide to parent these boys. I want to arm them with the proper tools to be successful men, patient and kind, and loving. No one will remember me as a great pharmacist, but they will remember – and see – the men I raised and how they are with the people in their lives.

Please God, teach me the patience as we raise our sons. Please give me the understanding and the ability to transmit to my family the great appreciation I have for them and what they do for my boys and me. I love them, and I am lucky to have them…

Peanut 5 months

Peanut at 5 months
Goober at 29 months

Enjoy some adorable snapshots of the boys, thanks to my wonderful sister!

Click here to view these pictures larger

Our Summer Bucket List

1. Take the boys to the beach


2. Run through the sprinklers at the county park

3. Visit an amusement park

4. Go camping

5. Make s'mores

6. Pick fruit as a family

7. Go on a boat ride

8. Go on a train ride

9. Check out a local ice cream parlor

10. Go to a drive thru movie

11. Go on an all day bike ride and picnic

12. Go putt-putt

13. Go to the farmer's market

14. Go to the county/state fair

15. Story time at the library

16. Fireworks

17. Glow - in - the - dark bath

18. Make popsicles

19. Photo shoot with James

20. Cypress Gardens

21. Make our own ice cream

22. Have a party

23. Kaden swimming by himself

24. Fly a kite

25. Make our own sundae party

26. Sidewalk paint

27. Go fishing

28. Go bowling

29. Go to a movie

30. Play in the rain

31. Make our own lemonade

32. Go to the ocean

33. Catch fireflies

34. Go to the zoo

35. Take a hike

36. Visit a museum

Who am I?

It is still hard to believe, but next Friday, I turn 30.   The idea that I have been alive for three decades doesn't seem possible.  Where has the time gone?  Have I accomplished anything significant in thirty years?  Will I have time in the future to do all that I want to?

For accomplishments, by far the most important to me are my two little boys.  They are simply my everything.  They are the reasons I wake up in the morning, they give me hope.  Two little beacons of light.  How amazing it is to watch things through their eyes!  I love seeing Goober smile in wonder as he figures out something for himself... and Peanut? To see his eyes grow wide and smile when he sees me, or his brother, or his daddy.  He definitely knows we belong to him already at such a tender age of five months.

I finished pharmacy school, obtained my doctorate degree, completed my year of pediatric pharmacy residency, and still am working (though per diem, not full time).  I hope to eventually move into a clinical pharmacy position, but that will be when the boys are both in school full time.  Until then, I am a stay at home mom who works occasionally to make student loan payments!

My husband and I have dreams.  Dreams I hope to see to fruitation.  Until then, I am dreaming... and living a great life.

More to come...

Still trying to get a handle on this blogging thing...

So I am still trying to get a handle.  However, in my defense, I am also attempting to mother a very active two year old and his four - almost five - month old brother.  I'm trying to just stay afloat on the housekeeping, trying to start a "preschool" atmosphere for Goober, all while doing two week stints in Virginia working (because I am still a pharmacist... just some of the time).  Needless to say, this just hasn't been given priority...

That being said, I am going to try!  I really want to have something that documents Goober and Peanut as they grow up, to remember cute things they say, to show them off (I am a proud mama!).  We're doing cool things -- a summer bucket list currently that I got as an idea from two other blogs ... threetimesthegiggles and goteamwood -- and we have gotten quite a bit accomplish (next post, I will get more into that, once I get a copy of said list!).

For a quick update...

We're in Virginia (just got here Sunday, will leave on the 29th, my gasp... 30th birthday), Elijah is at home.  This weekend will be spent in Richmond with my sister Nicole, who is watching the boys on Friday (long story).  We will plan on taking them to the Children's Museum up there, which I haven't been to, and neither have the boys (maybe I will even post pictures -- oh my!).

Goober is so hyper, full of energy, interested in anything dinosaur, alligator, snake, water, and whatever you're cooking.  He loves to help, which of course just makes it take longer, but I love watching his curiousity.

Peanut is rolling over, rocking side to side, and loves to gab.  Goober and him will just have conversations, just the two of them, the adults just wishing we knew what they were conspiring (because you know they are, they are their father's sons).

Alright, off to do other things...